Looking for a young unmarried individual willing to openly disclose their sexual histories? Do you fit the bill? Are you daring to have sex before marriage? Is premarital sex a gender-biased act? The debate rages on and the opinions espoused by young adults in their twenties hailing from diversified socio-economic milieus are startling. The most vocal adults readily communicating their perspectives come from the most surprising quarters.
Virginity, particularly female virginity, is a sacred social establishment. As one female individual in her late twenties from an prosperous background states, “basically growing up here we have been conditioned never to talk about it…. hence pms {premarital sex} is considered a dirty, vile thing….” Her assertion exemplifies the factors that govern, oppose, and shroud the concept of premarital sex - social conditioning armored with religious tones propagated and heralded in sync with the social stigma associated with the act of engaging in sexual intercourse.
And how does male virginity factor within the same cultural and social umbrella? Men across the social horizon assert it is “quite natural and ultimately necessary” to indulge in sexual intercourse before marriage.
However does premarital sex and sexual liberation depend on the level of the social echelon you inhabit? Is premarital sex more acceptable and expected among the upper ranks while the bourgeoning middle and lower classes are shackled by cultural and societal expectations? Both genders have stringent and divergent opinions on that matter.
In talks with young female adults from Dhaka University and private universities, there are currently two schools of thoughts. One reverentially opposes all sexual activities as a desecration of the social custom of abstinence. Annie, 21, a Dhaka University student strongly states, “In general, the social rules should not be broken...they should be adherently followed.” Labona, 22, agrees by noting, “sex should happen after marriage.” Mashuma, 22, echoes similar sentiment “premarital sex is uncultured!” The other thought allows females to engage in premarital sex as long as their relationship with their male partners culminates in marriage. Saika, 22, says, “ premarital sex depends on personal preference”. And Shammi, 22, states “sex is a need so people should give into it.”
Females from affluent backgrounds appear to be supremely elusive on this topic. The ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy is rigorously enforced. They indicate their opinion on premarital sex is ‘progressive’, yet they would rather not partake in the social dialogue. They further imply their sexual liberation solely depends on ‘absolute discretion’. Several females, also, admit abstaining from sexual activities due to the social mechanism that educates them to hide behind their chastity belts. Deviation from this doctrine is inconceivable and will shatter the very foundations of their adult identity. As one female, 26, notes, “This is what I know….I cannot act otherwise.”
Within the upper social stratum, males are seemingly tolerant of their female partners having a sexual past, albeit not an extensive one. In some cases, it is expected that both genders will have engaged in past sexual pursuits. As one male, 28, notes, “Physical intimacy and compatibility are vital to a successful marriage and premarital sex gives an opportunity to discover that before getting into a binding commitment such as marriage.” However, males from this socio-economic field think twice before seducing virgins. Their rational being that virgins ‘undoubtedly expect marriage’. In addition, some of them further assert that the sexual inexperience of virgins is ‘a big turn off’.
More young men from the middle social sphere expect their future brides to be uninitiated in sexual matters. Abir, 25, authoritatively says, “premarital sex is okay…but when I marry I prefer a virgin bride.” It seems premarital sex is a given prerogative for males only. However there is also a rival philosophy. Hasib, 25, states, “premarital sex is a necessity…regardless of how many people disclose it…not having sex affects mentally and physically.” Adnan, 24, readily agrees to premarital sex as long as “both parties are consensual”. But the young males practicing this particular attitude opines while sex before marriage is justified and warranted, “random sex’ with several partners is ‘perverted’ and socially deplorable.
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