Mythmaking of Reputation

Dating in Dhaka can be an absolute nightmare. The usual dating problems are further compounded by society's looming disapproval or expectations in the eventual outcome of the relationship and involved partners.

So being in your late twenties, single female, and Bangladeshi is a double-edged sword. Now is the time I have been resolutely and repeatedly expounded for 'settling down', find the perfect guy, merge, and procreate. Serial dating is considered a desecration of the sanctity of Bangladeshi femininity. I have been admonished to refrain from dating lest I acquire a 'reputation'.

Reputation? Reputation surmising the degrading labels attached to a young female who is living her life on the principles that are in complete contrast to the ideal archetype of a Bangladeshi woman. Regardless of the common knowledge, that females around the world from the same demography are living their lives on those very principles.

Reputation in Dhaka is at once tenuous and tangible. It is thrust upon you unwarranted yet its sole sustenance depends on you. A single false move can carry repercussions that will alter your future. Thus, females are encouraged and directed to guard their reputations with the utmost care and cloak it with sheer purity in order to enhance the females' rich futures. Hence, many safeguards are positioned around a young female's life in order to counteract any possible means of a 'reputation' being slapped on. Those safeguards soon become the basic compositions of Bangladeshi's females identities. In some cases, drastic measures are needed to radically alter or suppress females' identities in order to be in sync with the accepted notion of femininity.

In addition, females are incessantly informed that behavioral patterns that are deemed inappropriate during their singleness is generally considered normal once those females are securely married. In short, females must restrain their ostentatious personality traits during their single days so as not to acquire a 'reputation'.

Reputation plays a pivotal role in determining females' eligibility and rights. For single females, their pristine reputations or lack of can enhance or hinder, respectively, their chances for clinching good partners. For married females, their pristine reputation or lack of allow them to secure and exercise their basic rights.

In the end, reputation says it all. It can determine, deviate, or destroy.

Double-Edged Sword

Another befuddling facet of being Bengali and unmarried is perfectly captured in the following story told by a dear friend : She says that when she was single aunties would appraise her disapprovingly on her appearance and garb soley based on her unmarried label. However, once, she was married, those very aunties would proclaim and extol her regardless of her appearance and costume. The underlying message is that her married status exalted her for being dismissed or disapproved by her elder peers. Furthermore, this simple story also appropriately displays the discrimination faced by younger females, especially younger single/unmarried females, at the hands of their older foils.

It is quite common for a young female to be inundated by questions regarding her single-ness and forseeable plans on getting married soon. That question is at once Bengali in its roots and germination. In our culture, it is permissible to openly and covertly question and refute the rationale of remaining single. Unmarried women eager to remain in that state of unattachment is seen akin to sinners. An hyperbolic statement, some may conclude. But more often than not, the questioners are the elder females or matriarchs who at once castigate their younger subjects on their apparent follies and foolhardiness. The disinclination of getting married is at once met with stern reprisals and heavy doses of Bengali sensibility and respectability.

But the fact of the matter remains that younger females are more discriminated by the very female members that should instead be championing their abilities and determination to pave their own identities. Bangladeshi females have come a long way from our parents and grandparents generations where the bulk of the females were expected to smoothly fit into the square pegs of nurturing mothers and dutiful wives. Now we have numerous females superbly juggling the roles of mother, wife, socialite, business partner, breadearner, nurturer, PTA member etc. However, apparently, some of these very females are in turn dissuading their younger counterparts to shy away from balancing multifarious roles unless the wife label is clinched foremost. Thus, it seems Bangladeshi females, at least the unmarried ones, are incapable of accomplishing most feats unless they are promptly betrothed.

Have we indeed placed a high and covetous price on being married upon our race?

Retouched Photos Exemplifies Perfection

I came across a recent article in Marie Claire asking if retouching photographs is a bad thing? Personally, I think retouching photographs of celebrities conveys two equally destructive messages. The first message is that celebrities are born perfect! They transcend from the humanly possible boundaries, to an almost god-like existence, where perfect skin, perfect size zero body proportions, perfect face symmetry, and perfect talents reign supreme. The second message dictates that the legions of fans following the retouched celebs' photos are deceived in believing that they, too, must attain the very god-like characteristics which would place them on the same par as their beloved celebs.

Celebrities aren't perfect. Let's face it, they are humans like us, and subject to similar fallacies, errs, and misfortunes. However, because they are under the constant scrutiny of the cameras and at the mercy of the greater public's insatiable greed, they must look, act, feel, propagate, and perpetuate the myth that they were born perfect. Thus, airbrushing out skin imperfections, slimming unwanted layers of fat, defining face contours, adding sparkles in the eyes are pretty much aspects of their jobs. In addition, in order to play along and live up to the public's expectations of ideal beauty, celebrities are hard pressed to maintain and monitor their shrinking physiques according the desired dress size that is in vogue. The amount of strain placed on celebs to constantly personify the ideal beauty cannot be underestimated. However, their eagerness and compliance in following and perpetuating the myth of 'ideal beauty' and perfection cannot be equally under emphasized.

Secondly, if celebs are pressured to fit into the mold of perfection, what about their fans? What undue pressure and strain is heaped upon the fans to conform to their beloved idols' images? You come across numerous articles showcasing young pubescent girls' experiences, at times intentionally, destructive eating disorders, never-ending trips to the plastic surgeons to cut and contour their bodies to ideal standards, and struggles with hating their own body images. In their quest to look more like their favorite celebs, young women are more susceptible to distort and mutilate their own image. I have, personally, seen many young girls fresh in their early teen years, already starving themselves in order to acquire the same physique as Miley Cyrus, Hillary Duff, etc. Furthermore, these young kids have picked up the notion that their darker hues aren't desirable to their male counterparts.

So is retouching wrong? Yes, I think it is. Celebrities are celebrities because of their striking talents and skills, of their ability to reach out to people distant and near and connect, of their ability to exemplify the angst and anguish of a particular generation, mind set etc. It is imperative that their fans know that beyond the screen time, celebs are typical humans like Tom, Dick, and Harriet, but just with better incomes. It is equally pivotal for celebs and their fans to teach each other that attaining and complying with transient ideal beauty standards and images is difficult, exhaustive, and an injustice to both of them.

Getting Screwed Below

A friend informed me recently that India and Burma laid claims on much of Bangladesh's land. That is, any and all rich materials discovered in Bangladeshi's soil, deep within, will automatically fall into Indian and Burmese hands. Now pending verification of his claims, this tidbit of information alone made me realize how tenuous our country, our land, is even in our own hands.

The Last Leg

This is the part of American politics I detest the most - the way Republicans and Democrats slander and taint each other's candidates in the glory of clinching the presidential elections.

Now the gloves are off, and both the candidates' skeletons, both corporeal and fabricated are thrown on the table. Every day, every hour, we are informed, updated, and enlightened about the supposed unsavory affliations, similar philosophies, inclining sympathy, and past transgressions of the candidates.

Obama is a Muslim! He supports terrorism evidenced by his relationship with Bill Ayers! He secretly hates America and Americans!

McCain served on the board of an organization that propagated questionable anti-communist activities during Latin America's traumatic turmoils! He was involved in the Keating Five scandal! He's dying! He's inept to lead! He's mentally challenged!

Come election day, when the country votes, and the clear winner, hopefully, is picked, how do the candidates and parties recouncil after slinging so much mud at each other?

Repetitions Works Works

The first things you learn in public relations is that repetitions works wonders in effectively conveying messages. The more you repeat the points, inevitably, the reader, listener, viewer will pick up the message(s). I couldn' t help but marvel at the prowess of repetitions watching the vice presidential debate. Both Biden and Palin stuck to their messages resiliently and espoused their messages repeatedly.

When it came to answering questions, Palin proved to be quite the 'maverick' answerer, by refusing to answer any of the questions put forth by Gwen Ifill. Instead she pounded on her talents and limited experiences that make her into a viable and extraordinary vice-presidential candidate and future president if and when the need arises. All I heard during the 90 minutes or so of the debate was her truncated track record as the mayor of Wasilia and governor of Alaska, the reasons that make her into such an unqualified 'maverick', and her dedication to the McCain-Palin ticket. Not once did I hear any elaborate plan or anything resembling a tentative one encapsulating the McCain administration if they win the election. Instead, her key messages for the debate were that McCain's a maverick, she's a maverick, Americans need mavericks, and doggone it, they'll get mavericks if they elect them!

She may not have any concrete experiences required for a vice presidential nominee, she may not be intelligent, but sheer entertaining she surely is!

Quest for Fairness

Every time I visit the salon (beauty parlor), the following sight greets me - lines of women, ranging from young adults to older peers, have their faces, arms, legs, shoulders, necks, in some instances a greater portion of their torsos, masked with fair polishing cream. My question is why would so many pulchritudinous females have the urge to be fairer and the idea that dark-hued skins are undesirable?

The notion of fair skin being desirable is a vestige of the British colonial reign. I'm assuming the proliferation of white women with impeccable tastes and manners conceivably made them the epitome of female beauty. Bearing also in mind, that these fair female counterparts were also part of the ruling class that subjected the natives. The darker subjects had to depend on them for their livelihoods, thereby consequently, adopting their practices, their philosophies, their ideals, and their perspective of ideal beauty.

However, in such modern times, is the social practice of seeking and desiring fair females still viable? I have heard and witnessed several examples where females are degraded for their colors, and encouraged to seek treatments which would brighten their complexions, thereby leading to suitable partners. One account I recently heard goes that a young couple dating each other for nearly seven years has overcome a looming impediment. The impediment is the female's lack of a suitable and fair complexion. Apparently, the guy's family did not deem her fair enough to be considered a credible beauty. Oh, did I mention that said couple is planning on tying the knot. So, the solution they agreed upon is that the girl will seek skin whitening treatments ranging from home-made remedies, salon varieties, and ultimately skin brightening laser treatment.

Turn on the telly and you are inundated with advertisements displaying females cinching the perfect job, scoring the highest marks, securing handsome men through the supremacy of whitening creams. On every level of the social stratum, women are promptly encouraged and goaded to brighten their complexions, thereby, enhancing their chances of better and dare I say it, happier lives.

When does females, of all hues, take a stand and say collectively, enough is enough?