Dhaka Divorce

Daily Star carried an online article stating that the rate of divorces in Dhaka city has accelerated and now hovers around the 50-55 percent. The article further expostulates that one of the reasons for such a high percentage is credited to divorces becoming less of a social stigma and more of a expectant result of partners unwilling to compromise and make amends unlike their parents' generations. But the striking aspect of this article is that Dhaka women are initiating divorces in droves!

Hurrah! Finally a positive acknowledgement that women can and are seeking divorces when marriages fall apart. Unlike the older generations, women don't feel compelled to remain in dead unions because of social and economical shortcomings in being a divorcee. Dhaka women, now, are financially secure, mentally prepared, and socially confident to take the lead and end relationships.

According to one friend who had several concrete examples to validate her theory, she stated that divorced women are more likely to get remarried in a swfit cycle than their single counterparts.

However, it must be noted that only Dhaka women from the upper echeleons are more prone to initiate divorces because of their financial stability, familial support, and social acceptance. Their lower socio-economic counterparts are still shackled with typical social taboos regarding marital and divorce statuses. In most cases, these women would rather endure bitter and abusive relationships rather than lose their husbands and thereby their identities and financial securities.
Yet I feel there is hope for all of us.

Taliban in Bangladesh?

While I was watching a CNN documentary on the Taliban stronghold of Swat Valley in Pakistan, I couldn't help but note the Taliban's focus, determination, strategy and execution in conquering one region at a time. Sure by the look of its political landscape Pakistan is on the edge of being a failed state; however the current state of religious fundamentalists ruining and inciting violence in Pakistan carries dire warnings of the possible fate of Bangladesh.

Recently, in the local english papers, there has been much reportings of a London based NGO that was running and sponsering an orphanage/madrassa (religious school) in Bhola where RAB discovered an impressive array of ammunition, weapons, and literature on Jihad. In short, one could easily assume the orphanage was either a place for stocking arsenal, or a meeting point, or even a training ground for recruiting future terrorists. Regardless, such discoveries are indeed troubling to Bangladesh's secular government and its future as a democratic country.

So we finally have tangible proof that there is a growing presence of fundamentalist fanatics in Bangladesh. A group that is hell-bent on wrecking the country's political, economical, and social infrastuctures in hopes of establishing a religious dictatorship not unlike the Taliban's government in Afghanistan.

So what do we do now? Carry out a witch hunt and expunge them from our land? Encourage them to come to the table and engage in diplomacy? Or ignore their existence?

Recent events in Dhaka like the BDR mutiny and the horrific fire in Bashundhara Mall has shown that Bangladesh is in the grips of a castastrophic rollarcoaster with one awful spin after another. Law and order must be established and practiced rigidly, policing must be done effectively, and even ordinary citizens must keep their eyes and ears open to spot and report deviant and suspect terrorist movements. Afterall, with the country's history of political instability, it will be just too easy to fall into the hands of fundamentalists. 

Dhaka Hygiene

On my way to work along Biswas Road, I always notice the buildings, the people, and the general milieu that gently rolls by my car. Today my eyes were drawn to the generously large pile of rubbish at the fork of the road. It wasn't the rubbish that attracted me, no, it was the presence of a vegetable mart right NEXT to the rubbish pile. Now, when I say next I mean it was literally two yards away from the rubbish. The putrid stench alone must have some adverse affect on the vegetables. And I also noticed one man was using a bottle of water to wash his hands right at the corner where the pile begins. But this image alone captures the standard example of Dhaka city hygienic practices. That is, there is none. The ground upon which people throw their rubbish is the ground upon which people buy their daily groceries. Who should be blamed, educated, horrified? Aren't we all at fault for letting these practices flourish?

Community Nurturing Children

My next door neighbour has a new nanny for her young daughter. The nanny accompanies the young daughter to and fro from school, playground, and I'm positive even has a potent presence inside the home too. The nanny is her nanu. When I realized her relation to the young child, I was reminded of Hillary Clinton's famous statement that 'it takes a village to raise a child'. Sure, she did not invent that concept but borrowed it by observing the typical roles and behaviourial patterns of family members in developing worlds, yet the statement bears truth.

I remember growing up within an extended family. Even though I only have a single older brother, much of my childhood and adolescence were filled with cousins, uncles, maternal grandparents, and aunties. My parents' absences were swiftly and effectively filled in by my aunties and nanu, who ensured I did not become wayward without proper guidance. A bulk of my childhood was spent with my grandparents who shared wonderful and poignant stories, lessons, and dreams. As a result, I feel I am a perfect composite of the memories and influence imparted on me by my deceased grandparents.

The American method of sending their aged-parents to nursing homes or fancy communities is personally quite disturbing. Instead of utilizing the available sources of assisstance, wisdom, and guidance, the older generation are, instead, shipped off to the nearest camp where they can live out the rest of their lives with others of similar fates. That is truely a major under-utilization of potent, priceless, and positive influences on future generations.

The Irony

I just came across a news item stating that the Dir. of Family Planning has been accused of sexually molesting his 'adopted' minor daughter. Yes, the director of Family Planning!! The irony is seriously tragic!

Not one to find someone guilty without a proper and just trial, yet the whole situation involving sexual molestation definitely leaves a bitter and disturbing after-taste. Whether he has done it or not, these types of deviant behaviours must be better addressed in public to deter further occurences.

I for one will be following this story closely.

Domestic Abuse

An ongoing debate has emerged in the American media regarding domestic abuse as exemplified by the now infamous Chris Brown and Rihanna incident. On route to the Grammys, Rihanna was violently beaten up by Chris in the midst of a fight. The picture taken of her bruises is nothing short of shocking and disturbing. The episode has made the American media dizzy with stories and speculations. 

Joy Behar on Larry King Live named domestic abuse as a 'dirty secret'. And I whole-heartedly agree. I have personally heard awful stories of my friends engaging in and encountering domestic abuse from their boyfriends and/or husbands. My declarations of such pratices being criminal fell into deaf ears. Oftentimes, I have noticed ( as troubling as it is) that my female friends had accepted the abuse as a necessary by-product of the relationships. 

In Bangladesh, living in a patriarchical society, it is not surprising that many families have witnessed domestic abuse. Usually the females from lower socio-economic milieus suffer the most from these practices. Yet they still remain entrenched within the abuse. I recall an incident told by one of my maids. She was relating how her sister was the sole breadearner in her family, while her sister's husband was lazy, unemployed, and violently abusive. However, instead of leaving him, her sister continued to being beaten up by him on grounds that if HE LEFT her she won't have the means to provide for her two young children. Her sister had illogically deduced that her work and earnings depended on her husband's presence in the home. Of course, she also factored in the social stigma associated in being a abandoned wife with fatherless children. 

Alas, the above scenario is the norm in Bangladesh. More than likely, females think they have to remain in abusive relationships, especially marriages, because the social implications and reactions of being abandoned or divorced far outweighs the abuse. What other options do they have?

Sheikh Hasina says - “It is not possible to establish women's rights and stop violence against women only by enacting laws and observing women's day. Rather there should be proper coordination at government and non-government levels." ( Daily Star, March 9, 2009 ed)

I have to applaud her for concisely and accurately summing up the inefficieny of laws and propaganda if the basic governmental roles in enforcing and ensuring are not well observed. However, it is still quite pivotal to implement social policies and regulations that will directly better the conditions, prospects, and livelihoods of Bangladeshi females. Furthermore, free mandatory education for all females, especially leading to high school and beyond is required too. Also, counseling is needed in ordered to rehabilitate victimized females back into the society where they don't have to bear the stigma of violated ones. But it is indeed assuring that the newly-elected PM is at once tackling the issues of sexism and instigating counter-measures to abate it.

Dowried Lives

Today's Daily Star (p.14 of National news) has a poignant story of a young girl named Lucky who is hospitalized because her husband and his family 'poured combustible liquid over her body' in a dispute over dowry. These forms of domestic abuse generated by dowry are frequent occurences in Bangladesh irrespective of the strides achieved in female empowerment. One of the major driving factors behind such crimes taking place continuously is the lack of adequate punishment and consequences meted out to the husband and his family. The perpetrators of these crimes need to be sufficiently punished, thereby, deterring future similar abuses. As it remains many cases similar to Lucky never make it to the papers because the victim and her family are oftentimes too sacred and shamed to voice their greivances. As a result, the criminals never have to pay for their crimes. Social policies have to be implemented where domestic abuses against females need to be properly addressed. There must be penalties like prison terms and financial fines placed upon perpetrators of these abuses. Females must be educated as to the different types of domestic abuse, so that they can recognize it and seek help when attacked. Furthermore, shelters specifically targeting abused females need to be opened in order to accomodate, counsel, and ensure that females dont end up maimed, murdered, or worse. Unless these measures are undertaken, people like Lucky will never be safe from the malicious intents of their male counterparts.

Slow but Steady

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/03/world/asia/03shelter.html?_r=1&hp

NY Times : Idea of Afghan's Women's Rights Taking Hold

As I was reading this article, I could not help but compare the stark similarities between Afghani women and Bangladeshi women. Granted, Bangladeshi females fare better now with the recognition of their inherent rights and identities, however, I am sure that in many rural locations the law of men still impose.

Silenced

Many stories of rape and female genital mutilation are emerging from the gates of BDR Rifles Square. Unfortunately, these stories and cases are fast spreading behind the scenes. The victims, many of them young, recently married, first-time mothers are not only traumatized by the whole ordeal but also extremely fearful of the stigma placed upon them if they dare give their accounts. As a result, many of these gang-rape crimes will go unrecorded and the perpetrators will never be fully punished for their actions. Many people say that the stigma of being a raped victim, and thereby a dishonoured woman, in addition to a murdered husband and with small children, will effectively impede these females from proceeding with their lives intact. Socially, they will always be closely identified with this tragedy. Socially they will be treated as pariahs for being raped victims. A fresh new life will be immensely difficult for them. Thus, they choose silence.

These women are opting to swallow being raped so that they can retain their identities.

Just as many rape cases conducted by Pakistani militia against Bengali women during the Liberation War of 1971 were unaccounted for and unrecorded, the BDR Massacre has effectively scarred, destroyed, and ruined the lives of the young widows and the national conscience. How can we simply let them silently consume their loss and their humiliation while we stand aside too shamed to offer them an empathetic hand?

Ordinary People

My friends, especially those residing in Dhanmondi, are numbed in grief. One friend who lives in the vicinity of Rifles Square still suffers from nightmares from witnessing army trucks rolling down her streets and hearing gun shots. Whether you are in Dhanmondi or beyond, this brutal national tragedy has taken the toll on ordinary citizens. Everyone shares the anguish, disbelief, and utter senselessness of these crimes. Justice must be meted out appropriately, lawfully, and swiftly.

And What Now..?

Less than a week after the BDR Rifles Square Massacre, discomposing bodies are still being discovered, examined, indentified, while profoundly inhumane stories of the BDR soldiers' animalistic behaviour are running rampant.

A friend voiced that we really don't know what compelled the BDR men to resort to such heinous crimes against nature. We dont really have a BDR representative explaining the whys and hows of their strategy in participating in such brtual actions. Yes, they are underpaid, mis-treated, voiceless, yet what compelled them to take up arms and murder their own fellow brothers and sisters?

Rumours of rape, mutilation, and total disregard of childrens' lives are fast gaining attention. The nation is seeking retribution for the misdeeds. I fear amidst such anger, fustration, and shock, people will forget to ask the right questions. The BDR men must have been deprived to such an extent that they opted for violence and total disregard of human lives and casualties to voice their cause? Of course, one cannot overlook the fact that a group of men segregating themselves in a camp disconnected from reality with weapons at their disposal will eventually unleash their primal animalistic natures.

You cannot rationalize their actions to understand their motives. Their execution is beyond human comprehension. No human being willingly and naturally wishes bodily harm upon another. So the question(s) remains, what drove them to pursue such an avenue of carnage?

It is time that the nation sits up and pays close attention. For too long people of lower socio-economic classes have been ignored, trampled upon, disregarded, degraded, suppressed by their affluent counterparts. Revolutions always erupt in the grassroots levels. This is a prime example. Of course not a revolution in any terms. A gruesome mutiny. But there are insightful lessons to be learned from this massacre. Suppressed humans will resort to extreme measures and animalistic violences to have their greviances addressed. It is about time that we start listening to them.